My mission is to connect men more to their deeper senses to be the full integrated lover they can be. (Keep reading to learn more about me personally and how to pronounce my name.)
I created The Integrated Lover as my flavor of men’s work. I believe that to go deeper and have longer lasting results you need to feel deeper on all levels. Working on the warrior or king archetypes, like is most common in men’s work, can be great for some but is likely to just give you a quick boost in self esteem without the integration.
Here is what I mean by integrating the lover archetype:
🖤 An integrated lover overcomes his addictions
🖤 An integrated lover fully penetrates the world and his beloved with his gifts and his love
🖤 An integrated lover feels the powerful force of his heart and does not hide behind the soft squishy image society has of being heart-centered
🖤 An integrated lover fully feels his desires and acts upon the ones that are necessary for him to be more connected to his mission as a loving human being on the earth
🖤 An integrated lover moves from a deep connection to the lover archetype: he is in touch with his senses and with connection to self, others and nature
🖤 An integrated lover has a healthy relationship with the other important archetypes such as the king (being just and creating order), the warrior (the capacity to be powerful, decisive and even aggressive when necessary) and the magician (the bearer of deep knowledge and transformative wisdom).
🖤 An integrated lover has done work to embody his inner masculine and feminine to the extent that is natural to him
🖤 An integrated lover is a deeply embodied man who uses sexuality for the flow of love and never abuses the powerful forces he has learned to wield through sacred sexuality
🖤 An integrated lover is committed to looking his shadows in the eyes
So, am I an Integrated Lover? On most days, yes.
But I am also a human, so on my lesser days I will overeat, hide from my purpose, loathe my sensitivity, be surprised by hidden desires, feel numb, act like a bully or a weakling, fuck up everything masculine feminine polarity wise and wrestle with (old) sexual shadows.
But then still, as the Integrated Lover, I show myself compassion, make sure I don’t fuck up anything in a catastrophic way, tend to my dysregulation and seek out support where needed.
Because I know all too well what it feels like to spiral out of control.
I came a long way from a traumatized, nice guying, numbed out, sexually unsafe, arrogant / insecure news editor. I was fully living all the expected (house, wife, working on a family) and shadowy (drinking, drugs, fucking around) normal societal behaviors.
On my way of quitting that life I discovered my huge love of humans in all their beautifully fucked up ways (just like me!) and I decided I wanted to share (as a former journalist) what I had learned until that point. What I have to offer as I continuously work on myself in many ways keeps growing, and I now also know not everything is for me to share.
My spark is in helping people find more balance between feeling deeper and creating the structure to support that. Mostly for men, but I also work with women.
And now the human stuff, like now to say my name. The name Sjoerd, is from the northern part of The Netherlands (I’m not from there though) and is pronounced like yurt but with a sh sound at the beginning. I am born and raised in Amsterdam where I’ve lived most of my life. I currently live in my camper van in Ibiza with my beloved (who provides me with the biggest teachings simply by being her beautiful self). I don’t have children. I have been through a big healing journey with my own parents but can now proudly say I love my mom and dad.
I love creating: cooking, building furniture or upgrading my van, nerding out on my websites and especially writing. More and more space in my once atheist life is now reserved for something that I can only define as undefinable. Trusting deeper beyond what I know on a mental level has changed my life in many mind blowing ways.
After working as a journalist for 15 years and teaching writing classes and guest teaching Journalism students I did a 180. I am trained as a holistic coach, have worked as a certified breathwork facilitator and have led and participated in men’s groups for years. The next level of transformation is in what I call temple work: a deeply integrated way of combining tantra and shamanism in everything I do.